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This was a long 3 weeks
Jan. 10th, 2023 11:19 amMy last post was at the beginning of my last week of work. The week was okay and I ended the evening with a nice happy hour at Borderlands Brewing Company. Got to meet a lot of the EE team and paid for their dinners as thank you. That Saturday I did the 12 Days of Xmas workout and made it through day 8 and felt good. Then after a lovely shower I went to Dom and Willa's and rolled up my character for our one shot Call of Cthulhu game for New Years Eve. We visted mom on sunday and got to sit outside in the sun with Mom and she enjoyed being there and kept asking for us to escort her to her car so she could drive home. We went with it and just kept her comfy. It was hard for Benton to see her like that and us too. I made the effort to work on the quilt for mom and taking things easy. With Help from Mel I got things lined up and rebacked. I hand tied each section and to the fabric and cotton thread at quilt basket which was nice to visit and support local. They are a very nice shop and super friendly. The hand tying took me a few days of a few hours of work per day. hands get tired. I was trying to get things done before Christmas but knew at that point it wasn't going to get done and she wouldn't be awake enough to see it or appreciate it. It was set aside with the binding cut but not attached.
Shanda was home with us from Thursday through Christmas day. It was nice to have her there and just catching up. We were very low key. I grilled steaks and sweet potatoes for Christmas Eve dinner and Mel made waffles for breakfast Christmas morning. Wander joined us for Christmas eve dinner and Christmas dinner. Willa, Erika and Dom visted during the middle of gifts. We had a wonderful time. Shanda loved the charcuterie board and puzzle table cover we got her. Mel loved his new flint napped obsidian knife and Benton loved the Switch mom got him. We had a few more days of presents arriving which was nice from the Hucks since we all just ran out of time.
Mom was pretty not responsive when we saw her on Monday but Tuesday (the 20th) she perked up and asked for a cheeseburger and soda which we brought her. the order number was most of her birthday date. She had a few bites of burger but had a few sodas. I could tell as could the hospice nurse that she wasn't really swallowing the items correctly. I could tell this was her rally and she was cracking jokes etc. Benton got to see his Grandma lively like she used to be. This was good since after that she really did not eat or do anything else. We visited every day and she was weaker and weaker. They upped her dosage of lorazepam and morphine to help keep her comfortable. She barely woke for us on Christmas and on Boxing Day she didn't wake up at all when we visited. The girls had set up her room so nicely and put her angels near her. I told her she could go when ever she wanted. When we got home we got the call. They checked on her about 10 mins after we left and she was gone. I guess she listened to me that she could go. Before that we told her she could go home anytime she wanted. I guess the wording mattered. I was relieved and sad at the same time. It was hard. We cleaned out her room on Tuesday with the help of Ed. That was nice to have help even though it wasn't a lot of things. Her clothes minus a few things that went to Ari all went to Goodwill. Her other stuff I still have 1 small crate to go through and will probably box most of that up to take back to her house like my Grandmother's bible and her angels.
I'm still trying to process things in my head and I have a list of things I need to do for her like planning the memorial that just sit. I get to pick up the death certifications today which will allow me to do some of the financial things but I have a lot of I don't want to. But I need to. I took an extra few days of PTO and came back on the 9th, I will use my 3 days of bereavement leave when we go to the funeral at a date to be determined. But yeah. the week after things I slept a lot. Mel said my stress response was valid and that not wanting to do anything, even working on the quilt was hard. about a week later I got some gumption and got the binding done and fixed and stitching that had come apart after 70 years. And then I had a brain blitz and its the only project my mind can think about is to do another quilt block and then embroider the dates of who did what on it and attach it to the back of the quilt. It seems like a good thing and I think its part of my grieving process that has tangible results versus phone calls and property.
I finished books #42 and 43 before 2022 ended and then finished up the 44th book in reading a few days into the new year. That was Calculated Risks on the 3rd. I started teh first full book of 2023 is Spelunking Through Hell by Seanan McGuire. I'm now caught up on the Incryptid novels and awaiting the next book in March. I'm still in the same universe but I'm now reading the Ghost Roads offshoot series where the first book is Sparrow Hill Road.
One bright side of the holiday on the last few days before we went back to work we got new bikes. Its something we've been wanting for a while and it had been 7 years since I road. But it was good. We've done some small rides to get back into gear and I'm very happy with my Giant. I also was able to game for the first time in forever. I got dressed up in my fancy silk dress and did my hair all debonair 20s and had a great time rolling dice and killing off a thing from the great beyond at a fancy New Years party in NOLA. I played a debutante with a fliar for books and guns. I may have induldged in good booze too much and was picked up and I put myself to bed at like 830 but I woke up to the fireworks and gunshots at midnight to get more food and water. Jan 1st we went to Bisbee with Ari to antique and she found a nice bed for her guest room. It was a nice trip and we had a good time getting out of the house sans kiddos. The boys stayed at our place playing video games.
So a jumbled update but its mostly all there. I'm barely thinking about War of the Phoenix and I will worry about that after I finish planning the memorial and when we will be gone. I think I can think about it then. Multitasking just makes me stressed out.
Shanda was home with us from Thursday through Christmas day. It was nice to have her there and just catching up. We were very low key. I grilled steaks and sweet potatoes for Christmas Eve dinner and Mel made waffles for breakfast Christmas morning. Wander joined us for Christmas eve dinner and Christmas dinner. Willa, Erika and Dom visted during the middle of gifts. We had a wonderful time. Shanda loved the charcuterie board and puzzle table cover we got her. Mel loved his new flint napped obsidian knife and Benton loved the Switch mom got him. We had a few more days of presents arriving which was nice from the Hucks since we all just ran out of time.
Mom was pretty not responsive when we saw her on Monday but Tuesday (the 20th) she perked up and asked for a cheeseburger and soda which we brought her. the order number was most of her birthday date. She had a few bites of burger but had a few sodas. I could tell as could the hospice nurse that she wasn't really swallowing the items correctly. I could tell this was her rally and she was cracking jokes etc. Benton got to see his Grandma lively like she used to be. This was good since after that she really did not eat or do anything else. We visited every day and she was weaker and weaker. They upped her dosage of lorazepam and morphine to help keep her comfortable. She barely woke for us on Christmas and on Boxing Day she didn't wake up at all when we visited. The girls had set up her room so nicely and put her angels near her. I told her she could go when ever she wanted. When we got home we got the call. They checked on her about 10 mins after we left and she was gone. I guess she listened to me that she could go. Before that we told her she could go home anytime she wanted. I guess the wording mattered. I was relieved and sad at the same time. It was hard. We cleaned out her room on Tuesday with the help of Ed. That was nice to have help even though it wasn't a lot of things. Her clothes minus a few things that went to Ari all went to Goodwill. Her other stuff I still have 1 small crate to go through and will probably box most of that up to take back to her house like my Grandmother's bible and her angels.
I'm still trying to process things in my head and I have a list of things I need to do for her like planning the memorial that just sit. I get to pick up the death certifications today which will allow me to do some of the financial things but I have a lot of I don't want to. But I need to. I took an extra few days of PTO and came back on the 9th, I will use my 3 days of bereavement leave when we go to the funeral at a date to be determined. But yeah. the week after things I slept a lot. Mel said my stress response was valid and that not wanting to do anything, even working on the quilt was hard. about a week later I got some gumption and got the binding done and fixed and stitching that had come apart after 70 years. And then I had a brain blitz and its the only project my mind can think about is to do another quilt block and then embroider the dates of who did what on it and attach it to the back of the quilt. It seems like a good thing and I think its part of my grieving process that has tangible results versus phone calls and property.
I finished books #42 and 43 before 2022 ended and then finished up the 44th book in reading a few days into the new year. That was Calculated Risks on the 3rd. I started teh first full book of 2023 is Spelunking Through Hell by Seanan McGuire. I'm now caught up on the Incryptid novels and awaiting the next book in March. I'm still in the same universe but I'm now reading the Ghost Roads offshoot series where the first book is Sparrow Hill Road.
One bright side of the holiday on the last few days before we went back to work we got new bikes. Its something we've been wanting for a while and it had been 7 years since I road. But it was good. We've done some small rides to get back into gear and I'm very happy with my Giant. I also was able to game for the first time in forever. I got dressed up in my fancy silk dress and did my hair all debonair 20s and had a great time rolling dice and killing off a thing from the great beyond at a fancy New Years party in NOLA. I played a debutante with a fliar for books and guns. I may have induldged in good booze too much and was picked up and I put myself to bed at like 830 but I woke up to the fireworks and gunshots at midnight to get more food and water. Jan 1st we went to Bisbee with Ari to antique and she found a nice bed for her guest room. It was a nice trip and we had a good time getting out of the house sans kiddos. The boys stayed at our place playing video games.
So a jumbled update but its mostly all there. I'm barely thinking about War of the Phoenix and I will worry about that after I finish planning the memorial and when we will be gone. I think I can think about it then. Multitasking just makes me stressed out.
