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So work was nuts before I went on PTO. Friday got there and on my morning call I said I was having problems with my sight. I stated "I can't see myself working past noon" which was fine since I had to pack and do laundry and things. It was very nice to take things slow though so even though I was panicking it was a slow panic. We got up at 4am and to the airport for our 6am flight and it was all fine. We made our connection and our gate was right next door to our landing gate. We got to SF and I texted Rob and Becca. They were getting some gloves etc for the boys and then got picked up, played suitcase tetris. BTW, the Pacifica has way less space than my Grand Caravan. We got lunch at Taco johns and then to the house. We had issues getting the water working again. But the local water folks were awesome and helped us figure that out. Becca and I did the grocery shopping and made it easy for use to make dinner that night. Or well for Mel to make dinner. Rob did the dishes. The boys were ecstatic to be able to play in the snow. They dug fox holes and built walls and just had a good time playing in the snow until it got too cold. Sunday we started working on clearing out closets and doing some other shopping. Mom had clothes she had not worn that were $300+ dollar silk Anne Taylor suits she got for less than $10 at Macy's/Daytons. She had an entire dresser full of new socks. She had a closet full of creams and hair stuff and like unopened. Wow. Luckily, the family (Me, Becca, Mel and Rob) had all done the clean out at Grandma Doodles. We have a rapport and a way of doing things that gets all of teh snark but this time we all knew the clothes mom wore or things we found and it was special. I know that doing it by myself that would have not worked well. Rob was awesome and got a load to goodwill taken while we were out on Monday. Sundy was just general things around the house and we got visited by Aaron and Ali.

Mel and I met with the funeral home and the church. It worked well and we got things settled for the funeral and the funeral director John was so pleasant. I had brought the kit from Eterneva. He would return it at the funeral all filled and ready for Mel and I to send off. We still need to decide what stones we are getting. But One will be a ring and the other will be a solitaire stone necklace. yes its spendy but well, I might as well. I've inherited things and she loved the idea of being a gem. We got groceries and hit Ace and did a few other errands before we got home. We had Ellis visit for the afternoon and that was so nice to catch up.

Tuesday Gretchen and I attempted to get the land stuff taken care of and the bank is reading the wills with a very conservative approach. We are trying to get ahold of the original executor for her dad's estate and I will talk with Tom. So that was a bust. Got home in time for mel to get his suit on and me to put on makeup. Gretchen was awesome with getting the luncheon. All of the boys, including Paige and GRetchen's played foos ball in teh church. The service was good. Pastor Chris did a nice sermon about mom. Sue's speaking was good and I'd forgotten some of the stories. I got a recording of it all including my ( Eulogy. )

Then we headed out into the very cold snowy weather to do the graveside service. Her ashes were interred with a cross that she had been given by Diane. It was a quick service and Benton had a bit of breakdown at the end which I completely understand. I was teary too. I don't think I ever looked at her shared gravestone with Jerry but he side had cats on it. Benton got lots of hugs and I told him i was so proud of him and how well he did. This is his first real loss and we spent time talking about it before I noticed we had all of the college crewe show up. Aaron and Ali, Chris and Karla, and Kim and Zane.

We got down to the luncheon and I quickly ate while I chatted with my Aunt Shirley and Aunt Linda. I did learn that my mom's first husband was best friends with my Dad her second husband....huh. That was interesting to note. I knew something had happened to get mom to divorce her first husband and come back to the states to marry my dad but wow....that was crazy. I then mingled with everyone and chatted and part of her funeral we had put out angels for folks to take from her collection and people loved that. It made me very happy to give people a momento to remember her by.

After the luncheon we headed back to the house and the college crew followed. WE had food and talking and the kids played downstairs in the family room there. One thing we will be buying for the house is more couches/love seats and chairs for the dining room. But I think we have a plan for our dacha aka summer house. It was very nice to have folks over and see people and relax. I did go to bed pretty early...I was just so plum tired. I slept way in on Wednesday which is when the blizzard was in full effect and then I took a 2 hour nap. I was tired. Emotionally exhasted etc. I felt like a lump but Mel, Becca and Rob were like...dude, relax...we got this. Thursday Rob was able to get out and snowblow after we figured out you had to plug it in to start it. lol. Thanks mom! But he and I got out to run the plethora of errands. 5 towns, 4 banks, the courthouse, the lawyer, goodwill drop off, and truck service. oof. The roads in the county were fine, the roads in Canton/Alcester and Beresford were fine. The main roads in Sioux falls were weird. And secondary/tertiary roads were dicey. Was glad I still have the knack for driving vehicles on snow...every great big trucks with no weight in the back. We took the interstate back and that was good cause it proved that the oil road wasn't going to be good for Becca and Rob to take to get to the airport on Friday morning.

It took a bunch to get us all packed. I kept forgetting I wasn't packing for a flight and we got things settled and folks got out the door about 930am, we stopped off in Beresford for gas and to drop off a tax form. And then we were on the road. The roads were really good and we stopped seeing snow as we got into Kansas. At that point we started angling towards the SW. We ended up in Dodge City for dinner and then pushed on to Amarillo, TX. Got into the holiday inn express at 1130 and were up and moving and on the road by 745am. We were tired but that was okay. Stopped in Alamagordo NM to see the World's Largest Pistachio and grab lunch. We got home in Tucson about 530pm and that was great. We had pizza for dinner and weren't up late.

So that was our trip....it took me days to write that up and then the work week was nuts and then we had a huge SCA event and road washout drama etc. But that is another post.

My last post was at the beginning of my last week of work. The week was okay and I ended the evening with a nice happy hour at Borderlands Brewing Company. Got to meet a lot of the EE team and paid for their dinners as thank you. That Saturday I did the 12 Days of Xmas workout and made it through day 8 and felt good. Then after a lovely shower I went to Dom and Willa's and rolled up my character for our one shot Call of Cthulhu game for New Years Eve. We visted mom on sunday and got to sit outside in the sun with Mom and she enjoyed being there and kept asking for us to escort her to her car so she could drive home. We went with it and just kept her comfy. It was hard for Benton to see her like that and us too. I made the effort to work on the quilt for mom and taking things easy. With Help from Mel I got things lined up and rebacked. I hand tied each section and to the fabric and cotton thread at quilt basket which was nice to visit and support local. They are a very nice shop and super friendly. The hand tying took me a few days of a few hours of work per day. hands get tired. I was trying to get things done before Christmas but knew at that point it wasn't going to get done and she wouldn't be awake enough to see it or appreciate it. It was set aside with the binding cut but not attached.

Shanda was home with us from Thursday through Christmas day. It was nice to have her there and just catching up. We were very low key. I grilled steaks and sweet potatoes for Christmas Eve dinner and Mel made waffles for breakfast Christmas morning. Wander joined us for Christmas eve dinner and Christmas dinner. Willa, Erika and Dom visted during the middle of gifts. We had a wonderful time. Shanda loved the charcuterie board and puzzle table cover we got her. Mel loved his new flint napped obsidian knife and Benton loved the Switch mom got him. We had a few more days of presents arriving which was nice from the Hucks since we all just ran out of time.

Mom was pretty not responsive when we saw her on Monday but Tuesday (the 20th) she perked up and asked for a cheeseburger and soda which we brought her. the order number was most of her birthday date. She had a few bites of burger but had a few sodas. I could tell as could the hospice nurse that she wasn't really swallowing the items correctly. I could tell this was her rally and she was cracking jokes etc. Benton got to see his Grandma lively like she used to be. This was good since after that she really did not eat or do anything else. We visited every day and she was weaker and weaker. They upped her dosage of lorazepam and morphine to help keep her comfortable. She barely woke for us on Christmas and on Boxing Day she didn't wake up at all when we visited. The girls had set up her room so nicely and put her angels near her. I told her she could go when ever she wanted. When we got home we got the call. They checked on her about 10 mins after we left and she was gone. I guess she listened to me that she could go. Before that we told her she could go home anytime she wanted. I guess the wording mattered. I was relieved and sad at the same time. It was hard. We cleaned out her room on Tuesday with the help of Ed. That was nice to have help even though it wasn't a lot of things. Her clothes minus a few things that went to Ari all went to Goodwill. Her other stuff I still have 1 small crate to go through and will probably box most of that up to take back to her house like my Grandmother's bible and her angels.

I'm still trying to process things in my head and I have a list of things I need to do for her like planning the memorial that just sit. I get to pick up the death certifications today which will allow me to do some of the financial things but I have a lot of I don't want to. But I need to. I took an extra few days of PTO and came back on the 9th, I will use my 3 days of bereavement leave when we go to the funeral at a date to be determined. But yeah. the week after things I slept a lot. Mel said my stress response was valid and that not wanting to do anything, even working on the quilt was hard. about a week later I got some gumption and got the binding done and fixed and stitching that had come apart after 70 years. And then I had a brain blitz and its the only project my mind can think about is to do another quilt block and then embroider the dates of who did what on it and attach it to the back of the quilt. It seems like a good thing and I think its part of my grieving process that has tangible results versus phone calls and property.

I finished books #42 and 43 before 2022 ended and then finished up the 44th book in reading a few days into the new year. That was Calculated Risks on the 3rd. I started teh first full book of 2023 is Spelunking Through Hell by Seanan McGuire. I'm now caught up on the Incryptid novels and awaiting the next book in March. I'm still in the same universe but I'm now reading the Ghost Roads offshoot series where the first book is Sparrow Hill Road.

One bright side of the holiday on the last few days before we went back to work we got new bikes. Its something we've been wanting for a while and it had been 7 years since I road. But it was good. We've done some small rides to get back into gear and I'm very happy with my Giant. I also was able to game for the first time in forever. I got dressed up in my fancy silk dress and did my hair all debonair 20s and had a great time rolling dice and killing off a thing from the great beyond at a fancy New Years party in NOLA. I played a debutante with a fliar for books and guns. I may have induldged in good booze too much and was picked up and I put myself to bed at like 830 but I woke up to the fireworks and gunshots at midnight to get more food and water. Jan 1st we went to Bisbee with Ari to antique and she found a nice bed for her guest room. It was a nice trip and we had a good time getting out of the house sans kiddos. The boys stayed at our place playing video games.

So a jumbled update but its mostly all there. I'm barely thinking about War of the Phoenix and I will worry about that after I finish planning the memorial and when we will be gone. I think I can think about it then. Multitasking just makes me stressed out.

Friday ended the rollercoaster week of hell with a margarita the size of my head and more when I got home. We had dinner with Ari at Guadalajara Grill which was nice and kinda more symmetry I needed since that was where we went when I got back to Tucson in March. But it was what I needed. Got home and Benton headed off to bed while we made drinks and I had too much...not stoopid but I was tired and my brain turned off and I sent to bed at 930pm. I did not wake up in time for hitting the gym and that was okay. I needed to sleep and rest and just not be for a while. I visited mom for a bit and then picked up Ari for the Street Fair. We ended up parking at the Tyndall Garage and walking to the site 5 long blocks away. ITs just easier. We started at pretty much the top of the fair and then got settled into a bar spot at Magpies for food and beer. It was so nice to bum around with Ari and get things on our lists. She found a lovely jacket, I got a nice necklace at Silver Sea and found the best gift for Mel. He will like it I hope. I got home and mel was in the shop with Kung Fu mike working on his walking stick and Benton was taking a nap. He was not feeling good. I was tired and just sat watching TV. I don't recall the rest of the evening. I know Mel and I finished up season 5 of Clone Wars and started Season 6. OMG why did we not know any of this.

Sunday I went and saw mom and she was really spacy and was at least up and sitting at the table but her fine motor control is slipping. Its very hard to watch. I picked up Ari for a costco trip and had a nice time going there with her. I hate going to Costco by myself and another human made it so nice. Then I had my massage and got home after a quick trip to Safeway and checking in on mom. She was no better. Very tired and asleep.

At home I got Benton to help me put all of the xmas boxes away until things are settled for that . He was feeling somewhat better but we made sure he got a hot bath and to bed early. Mel and I then put things on TV and got presents wrapped. I have stuff to ship to wrap and stuff for Mel and a few things coming in still. But that helped me a lot. Plus it blocked access to the xmas tree skirt that Tasha has been balling up and snuggling under.

Monday was busy at work. This is the last week of work for me. Mom had called during the day and wanted to see me and I said I would see her after work. When I stopped by she had had breakfast out and about but didnt want dinner. She had not recollection of stating this at all. They brought her a meal and I sat her up so she could eat and it was obvious she can't really feed herself any longer. I got her to eat but had to basically feed her and remind her to swallow. She would just check on the same piece of food for minutes if I didn't. She had thought I left her in a nursing home in South Dakota. Sighs. She's scared and confused and thinks she's losing her mind. Which she is. I think she is scared of dying but I'm not mentioning it. But every day I see her slowing down more.

We shall see what I see tonight when I visit. I got to the gym about 15 mins late but I needed the self care/stress relief. Then it was home for a nice dinner and working on performance reviews. Benton was home sick yesterday but was doing better by the evening. I have a lot to work on for work. But its okay. Just taking things day by day.

On the book front. Finished number 42 "That Ain't Witchcraft" which was awesome. I started #43 which is "Imaginary Numbers" which lets us be with Cousin Sarah of the Price clan...she's fun. I have 2 more books in this series to be caught up which will be books 44 and 45. I will be very close to getting the 50 this year. Which makes me happy. I guess that is something.

Last week my brain was pretty happy, I hit the gym, I slept well, I got some things done...things were clicking and Friday (our off day) was a nice start to a weekend. We had breakfast with mom and someone at the cafe paid for our breakfast which was nice. I walked with mom in. We didn't use her chair since I figured it was good for her to walk which in the morning she is more than happy to do. We then got her into the car and then off to target where we did the shopping for Benton and the nephews from Mom. She had a fun time shopping and was super happy that we also got her two nice fluffy fleecy tops to wear since she is always so cold.(more on that later.)

So we dropped her off and then did a bit of meandering around our local antique mall before I got my hair cut. First hair cut since 2020. My bangs were at the end of my hair which is almost to my low back. I got a few long layers to get the weight off the front. It looks nice straight and curly. I do not need to use a barrette at all to control the front...just chuck it to the side or behind my ear. Very nice.

So I had two more errands to run while I was out and about on Friday. I hit up the quilt basket to get backing material and thick thread for the quilt my Grandma Ruth made in the 50s.

lferion had walked me through the plan and I got those in the wash when I got home. I also headed to Grandma's to do a bit of knitting and got a phone call that mom had fallen at her care home. She was okay and they gave her pain meds and an ice pack. And I didn't think much of it until I got a phone call at 730 that her leg was not working right and she was in the worst pain. So they transported her to St. Joe's emergency room as a trauma and got her assessed. After about 2.5 hours I was allowed to come back with her and find out what was going on. What I was first told is she had a high femur fracture. Then they finally stated it was a hip fracture and they would talk with the surgeon in the AM. She was still in the ER and had a "room" there since they could not admit her since they didn't have a bed.

I left her resting and returned very early in the AM (Sat) since I got a 6am phone call from admitting. What I didn't know was that is was my friend from the SCA Kitty Kat and when I arrived at check-in in the ER there she was and I get the best hug. They then moved mom to another room where I got to talk to the surgery team and go over things frankly in the hallway about her risks for surgery and care and that she was in hospice care until she fell. Basically it was better to operate and get her joint useable since it would decrease pain and allow her to be cared for hygienically etc. So I sat and waited with her while she rested and had very confused nursing staff that she was 1 in the bed she was and 2 that she was having surgery since things were messed up. But finally got the go ahead for surgery and she was wheeled into pre-op at 1245pm. I signed all of the consent forms etc and got her settled with things with the anesthesia. Then I headed home to check on Benton who was home by himself while Mel was as Baronial A&S. He was good, I got food and then headed back to sit in the OR waiting room. I had knitting and coffee and oreos plus short stories on my phone. I sat for a few hours and then the surgeon came out to chat with me. He had finished up and they were in clo sing her up. She did good and he was very happy with how she did in surgrery. The bone just crumble when he opened her up so the cancer and the arthritis there were doing a number. I was very happy he sat with me for a bit. Then the anesthesiologist came by and chatted as well and he was also super nice. They were getting her settled in recovery and the nurse called me to say he would have me come back when she was waking up which took a while. It was two nurses and mom in this huge recovery room. No other patients. I got to see her and convince her she wanted some ice chips. I gave her kisses and then headed home to drink and have dinner. I figured out mel makes drinks half the strength I do. LOL

I was in bed by 930 and out...I was so tired. I got up early and Mel and I headed in to see her and check on her. She was eating breakfast. She was very very confused about everything and this continued through wednesday. Plus she had no idea when she had to use the bathroom and didn't want to walk and then would complain they weren't letting her walk and I wasn't visiting....even though I was spending 5+hours a day with her. Yeah, her brain is scrambled and its a toss up of if its the anesthesia induced memory issues, her declining more or a mix. So yeah. She finally walked a bit but she's so weak from anemia (they gave her a blood transfusion) and being only 89 pounds and stage 4 cancer. The thing was teh floor doctors wanted her discharged to a rehab hospital which I felt wasn't good but wasn't sure what to do. Finally had a call with her care home and the the discharge nurse and had a frank convo. If mom went to rehab she would have 2 hours at most of rehab and then crappy care after that per day. Which is shitty and not the care she needs end of life. We got the doctors to fix her paperwork to take her back to assisted living and allow her back into hospice. That and getting her transported took most of the day. We got her settled and got back home and I started working at 4pm. To say this has been nuts and exhausting is beyond comprehension to me. I hate this.

Now its almost impossible to transport her cause she can't climb into the van and she can't sit in my car since her knee is too high for her new hip. She can't do anything that moves that hip more than 90 degrees and my sports car doesnt' work with that. So we will probably have to bring christmas to her. We will make it happen...I just have no idea how long she will be here now. She is so weak.

So even through all of this I have hit the gym Monday and Wednesday. I PR'd on deadlift of 255 last night. Candace things I've done it better before but I'm not sure. I don't remember. Edit: found my tracker from 2019, I did 265x4 as my last set that day. So I'm not too far off from where I was...I'm older and chunkier now but I'll keep working on that and the gym is my self care. I need to do it. No slacking.

I'm also trying to be good with drinking as well. even with the "binge" of saturday/sunday I am still lower drinks per week than I had been so little steps. Trying to get down to casual and not needed and lighter than I had been. Little steps. So my last week of work for the year is next week. I'm just tired and so tempted to just not be here next week and take vacation. I could do it....I have it to spend but the end of the year stuff is just there. Sighs. Still need to think about it. I don't think anyone would fault me.

On the book front I read #40 for the year and then I went down the short story rabbit hole from Seanan McGuire on the Incryptid series I hadn't read. I'm counting these as one book so #41 is a combo of: Blocked #2.1, The Ghosts of Bourbon Street Incrytid #3.1, Swamp Bromeliad #3.4, Waking up in Vegas #3.5, My Last Name #3.6. Then I am about a third through "That Ain't Witchcraft" which is book #8 in the series. So I've been entertained. We need to figure out fixing up the house for xmas. The tree is done and I have a mountain of wrapping to do. My final shopping will be at the street fair this weekend and hoepfully I can set the house to rights...its kinda special right now.

So this is a lot and yeah I'd really like to mulligan Friday afternoon when she fell. Our lives would be so much simpler.

Well, yesterday I was much more focused than I have been. Work I got some paperwork done that has been lingering which is good since that system went hard down today. I did manage to get to the gym for the first time in almost 7 weeks. Wow. I hadn't realized it was that long...but it was. Fuck this time of year. But it felt good and I lifted moderately heavy things but my stamina is shite...no surprise but the strength is there still so that is good.

I had hoped to watch a movie with Mel yesterday but he was in the shop since he took the day off from work to recover from his weekend. Oh well. did I pick up my knitting? no but I thought about it.

Benton came home with a wet cough which was more frequent than his dry asthma cough. So we are keeping him home today. Gonna do some asthma treatments and see how that goes. I will covid test him as well cause ugh. School had a few scares a few weeks ago. But we shall see.

But yesterday was better mentally. I feel validated with

danabren stating that talking with parents is hard. There isn't anything to talk about especially when you are like me and share nothing in common other than history of living together. When mel brought her the heater he commented she's mentally not there are much as she had been even a week ago. We got into an "argument" about her beer where she thought I didn't believe her when she asked for a beer and they said she was out. I believed they told her that, but had her check with the day staff...she has 30 bottles of beer. She sent me a Passive Agressive text that I needed to apologize to her...I was like for what? "The beer" and I was like mom, I had you check with the day staff, they found where your stash was at and will tell the evening staff. Problem solved She thought I was accusing her of lying? Her brain is swiss cheese and yeah. It was a frustrating convo. She also kept saying obviously everything is her fault and she just wanted to stop talking. I stated that is not how you get to conflict resolution and that I was not saying she was lying, I was saying her info that was given to her is faulty. Also, that her thinking everything is her fault is her anxiety and depression talking and not reality. Not sure she believed me but I'm not turning this into the silent treatment crap from high school. I know how to deal with that now and push for resolution. Is it easy? No. Is it going to make a difference in my relationship with my mom? Probably not but at least I'm not letting her die without knowing how things are and how this isn't her fault. Its better for my mental health. No regrets is what I hope for.

I did finish Escape from Yokai Land....it wasn't what I expected from the ending but it was fun. Lots of fun quotes. I'm not sure what I'm reading next. I think its going to be the rerelease of Wil Wheaton's memoir where he's added notes. I'm not sure what else I'm going to read after that...got a few series I need to figure out where I stopped. I have like 5 books in the incrytid series by Seanan McGuire. so I will probably start there. Not sure i will get to 50.

Next week is Thanksgiving. Not sure what our plans are...its really been one week as it comes. We have coronation this weekend and need to get out of town before really early since the town escape routes shut down for El Tour de Tucson. So i have to come up with a plan. Probably doing very basic. Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes and pie.

If I'm up for social stuff we have a work potluck Thursday (our in house day). With Benton feeling sick I will keep that on hold. But we shall see.

Again, yesterday was pretty good even though frustrating with mom. But yeah...better than the days before is all I can say.

Last week was hard. Emotionally/brainwise I'm very scattered. I've been a lump on the couch and not motivated to do much of anything. Mel left for a kung fu tourney on Thursday so I was single mom all weekend. Benton was good. he had school off on Friday while I still had work. He got a full video game day which he enjoyed. I had a massage where joeseph worked on my neck and my jaw. oof. This caused rebound headaches all weekend which is okay but ugh. I hate that. Like Saturday I woke up in so much pain I had to heat pack and then it was fine but ugh. Better today even though last night was a bit annoying and nothing was helping the headache. Stress and needing more sleep is what I needed.

Saturday after I dealt with the headache from hell I went to

lferion's dad's memorial. It was an odd memorial for a brilliant but odd man. There were tears and laughter and somberness and that is what memorials are for. I was happy that we got to spend time with him at holidays as he was always an invited guest after his wife passed. If you are interested: William G. Tifft and Obituary

Benton did not attend with me but funerals make him uncomfortable which I compeletely understand and we talked about it very well and about why his feelings are valid and he sent along hugs for the family. We did not attend the after thing for the same reason. Too many people he doesn't know and I completely get that. We did have a nice dinner with Ari though and then she and I had drinks and snuggled up on teh couch watching GBBO and Drink Masters. It was very nice to get BFF time.

Sunday we had breakfast with mom at Joes. Things to know about my mom that I never did is that she really likes pancakes and bacon. She ate more than Benton but he was out of sorts and tired. But it was a nice time but I dont know what to talk about and while this has always been a problem with mel gone it was up to me to keep the convo going and yeah....oh well at least the food was good and the coffee hot. anyone else have nothing to talk with their parents about?

Got home from Breakfast and benton went to lay down. I think we are in the tired and grumpy part of a growth spurt. I let him hang in his room and tidied up the kitchen, the front room a bit and then sat down with knitting and a movie. I never touched my knitting...brain is so scattered I forgot but watched the first part of Enola Holmes 2 before my situational/secondhand embarrassment hit and then I started watching the School for Good and Evil and OMG Charlize Theron just had so much fun. Actually all of the A-list actors did and it was a fun romp and a neat story. Then Benton and I got hooked on watching Bureau of Magical Things which is super cute and not a lot of drama but a cute kids show. Its the balm we both needed. He did some cool lego stuff, I chillaxed and I got dinner in the oven but it took forever. I put sausage in a pumpkin and cooked it with spices and panko on top. Not too bad but these pumpkins were thin skinned and I would have preferred more flesh like when I do this with acorn squash. But it was nice.

Mel got home from the tourney about 8pm, was very happy to have dinner ready and then we chatted and had beers till late catching up on things. He won his division and the school did really well. He's going to judge next year since for him this is an easy competition to win at the advance level and age bracket even though it was 20+ people in it. 30 years of sword fighting has helped him excel. LOL

On the book front I'm still in Escape from Yokai Land...I'm about 70% complete. I just didn't feel like reading this weekend and that is okay. Still working on teh 38th book of the year. I only managed to read 21 last year so this is way better.

So trudging...trudging and trudging....

Still reading Quantum of Nightmares I'm at 60% now completed.

I did make an album for the apprentices scroll, so you can peruse the progress photos. I had lots of help from Ari and Art. Ari did the first digital scan and clean up of my artwork and Art then digitized it for his printer to print the resist. I spent 8-9 hours in his shop learning the process and getting things done for the etching. Text is by

lferion.

Here is the album Willa's Scroll.

Here is the Album A&S

Here is the small album from Saturday at Melee Camp which includes Benton throwing weapons!

When last I wrote i was heading into the weekend for my Apprentice to graduate to the Laurel. I had a dress to finish, which I did on Thursday. It was finished enough to wear. I did not get the over the shoulder and sleeve seams hand finished but it was done enough to wear. I got clothes for Benton expanded/fixed to have things to wear. We got up early on Saturday and made our way to the event and it went really well even though my apprentice was almost late for her own ceremony. She had got to do her makeup at the start of court and they were super quick with all of the awards and I sent zoe to go get her. But it turned out well. Baron Master Sym did a wonderful presentation of what the ceremony is for and explained each part. We were able to cajole the Crown that they had nothing to do but say the oath. It worked well even though HRM tried to only nave folks stand for the candidate and my hubby said he would stand for the knights and speak for them as well. Which is his ducal prerogative. It was a busy day of art and chatting with people. We left after court and headed to Rudy's for BBQ. It was storming which was a weirdness for Phx considering September in Phx had more rain than Seattle. But yeah. It was strange. But almost all of Hrafnheim had dinner together. which was nice. We even got Deletha and the kids.

And other than sleeping in on Sunday the rest of the week was pants. Pants on fire.

Sunday night I got a call from mom's assisted living facility that her g-tube had fallen out. This is her feeding tube that we aren't really using much anymore but for end of life they may need to...so I took her to the emergecny room. We had a new hospital open up and they were very nice and they put in a foley (catheter) since they did not have g-tubes in stock. Monday morning it fell out again. We had it replaced. So I spent more time in the ER from Sunday to Monday than I did sleeping. So I struggle bussed the rest of the week and then was arguing with the oncologist about scheduling for them to install a g-tube. But they basically said that they would let it heal over if it fell out again. So Friday when it fell out I just told her caregivers to bandage it and keep an eye on it. Also during that week we had her PET scan. We went out for lunch to Millies Pancake Haus and she gorged herself on a full stack and most of a bottle of syrup. This woman is a humming bird.

Saturday was an event down in Sonoita. Surprise surprise there were speakers for the candidates...the queen loves to hear them. So that is a good thing. We attended for a laurelling of Mistress Eilith who was originally from Outlands and when she was Baroness of Citadel of the Southern Pass (El Paso), I gifted her my Grace as Queen. She had travelled and provided choral music and it brightened my day when I felt like pure ish. I had given it to her at Battlemore so her kingdom could see her awesomeness. So we were glad to see her get elevated.

Sunday was somewhat relaxing but more tiring. Mel left on business and Benton and I needed to get some chores. I was done by the time we got back from the grocer but it was okay. Mel landed safely in Utah and I got a nice evening.

Monday was a Monday and then it was way more of a Monday after the call from the oncologist. I had read teh PET scan report on Saturday and while it looked dire I didn't read it the way he did. Its not that I don't trust him, I just didn't see it as bad as it is. Re-reading it and previous reports...yeah its bad. Even two months ago he mentioned hospice care but this conversation it was "we are stopping treatment immediately
and start hospice care" He stated it was days to weeks left for her to live. While that may not be the complete case...shes under 100 pounds and is weak and her memory is going so this is the beginning of the end. We knew the caner was winning. Just weren't sure when we'd be in the last quarter. I guess its now.

I called and told Mel and when they were on the way home by plane his boss said he was to take the next day off to take care of me and Benton. I was just going to handle things by myself which is so not the right answer at all. I was glad she said that and I took the day as well. Had a meeting with the assisted living staff, told mom the news, got hospice care set up so at least that part is handled. Its going to a be a slow grind until its not. I'm just exhausted...can't seem to concentrate well or sleep enough. Probably drinking too much but meh. Honestly. I'm not getting drunk.

It better news I managed to finish the #35 book which is Saints and Sinners by Jennifer Roberson, I also started and finished #36 Susan Vowell's The Partly Cloudy Patriot...omg the corrallary between the 2002 election and now and Trump and stuff was fucking eerie. History does repeat...wow.

Now I'm in #37 for the year which is Quantum of Nightmares by Charlie Stross. Back in the New Management series. I like some of the characters but not all of them. But its still a trip. I'm about half way through. Next on the docket...I'm uncertain. We shall see how this one ends if I read the next one right away.

But that is life in a nutshell...pretty sucky.

Monday was boring work wise...though we had some suck show up at the end of the day. More meetings and analysis to follow. I do not like the options at all but we have to go with it when a supplier can't even quote us material until the end of next year. Its just grrr...I wish supply chain had gotten on this way sooner. Sighs. Managed to get through the day and then on to working on the scroll with a quick stop for eating dinner.

But its DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo! I'm very chuffed with the results. Like my idea is now manifest and as I designed. Woohoo! I'm well ahead of the deadline of Saturday and that feels good.

I did skip the gym to get the scroll done. I had been yawning all day and just wanted to stay home and get things done. Its good though I will go Wednesday. Tonight I will finish the trim attachments on the sleeves so then Wednesday I can get the sides on the dress and then it will be hemming and bias application. Yay!

Now its time to get the packing list and find out if we are going as a group in the van (ie Ari with us) since its a 2+ hour drive Saturday morning will be stoopid early. Stoopid early is better with friends.

So I have two mom appointments. I already had the care home set me a travel wheel chair aside for ease. They completely understand and encourage me to do that. She doesn't need to be so weak she has an accident in the home. They had one gal who was perfectly fine fall and break her femur. Its not pretty.

I'm down to 30 pages of the book I was so tired after getting everything accomplished that I just couldn't power through. But tonight I hope to finish it. Then new book!

Well, the weekend was productive and Monday was very productive. Tuesday just sucked.

Had to take mom to an MRI across town...so 45 min drive each way. It was pouring rain while driving. Mom was fiesty and didn't want to use a wheel chair and she had a lot of issues getting in an out of the car. We had lunch out and she ate well but slowly and she's lost a lot of her manners. Speaking with her mouth full, chewing with her mouth open. I don't know if its cause she's lived alone so long or what...its just odd. She was very weak when we got back to the care facility. So weak infact she couldn't make it up the ramp. I know she had not used the bathroom while we were out and my nose told me she had used her depends. I don't know if she's aware she did. Its sad. We had to sit on the outside bench for a while and then she had to have a caregiver help her inside. Sighs. It was hard...it was hard for me mentally to watch this slow degradation. I did not take it well.

I got home and took a 15min to just sit and not be....then I worked for a few hours but I was so tired and just strung out I took a nap. Mel was nice enough to bring Benton home since he wasn't hitting the practice due to the rain. I woke up when they got home. I was still tired and didn't feel great. But a nap was good thing.

Wednesday wasn't too bad for work...just slow. I left from home at 5pm while still on a call and then went to the yarn tasting for Circulo Yarns. The rep was from Brazil and she was very nice. The yarns we tried were wool free with cotton, acrylic, viscose, bamboo styles. I did not like their 100% acrylic as much as other brands. It was more sticky than I liked and not in a good way. I fell in love with their "bamboo" which is a mix and it was so soft and comes in a neat marled/striped style. I got a skein of the 8990. Not sure what I will do with it yet but there is a lot of yarn on the skein.

I got to chit chat with my friends who I haven't seen in years. Got caught up on the gossip. Had a nice simple meal and a good beer while trying out yarns. Its what I needed. I got home and needed to work on bias tape but I just snuggled up on the couch.

Today Benton left for Sky Camp for the day/night. Its up on Mount Lemmon and they get to hang out at the observatory. He gets back to school tomorrow at lunch. So yay. We get a kid night off and get to sleep and don't need to get things ready for him to be in the school. So I'm at work today since they are asking hybrid folks (especially leadership) to be in at least 2-3 times per week. But since my program area is not set up for us and my new office has a squatter we need to evict I'm sitting near where I had been. The desk is meh. Its nice to see folks though and we've hammered out a lot of things. I've missed the chit chat.

When I get home tonight I hope to get the bias tape made and then head out to get drinks with the hubby.

Still reading #35 which is Saints and Sinners by Jennifer Roberson. I like the characters and its an easy read. This is what I need after Nona. I think next will be Wil Wheaton's autobiography he re-released with commentary. Or I can get into the Laundry Files again. Not sure yet.

The scroll is making good progress. I hope to get good slog done over the weekend to get it just to final touchups next week. I need to finish my dress as well. Its currently hanging out on the dress form and I will be working on that too this weekend. Plus validating Benton has clothes that fit.

When last I wrote it was a monday like this one. Mom has since recovered from Covid but that was a scary thing. She doesnt' remember a week and only could complain that they made her do things too quickly (get dressed and ready for the day), she's usually doing all of that herself but she didn't cause she was ill. So that is what you complain about. They also had to do some tube feedings since she wasn't eating. She grumped about that too and said the food they were bringing her she wouldn't feed to my cats. This is again from the woman who made me eat the same casserole for 6 days a week for years complaining about food. sighs. But she is at least is here to complain.

Benton was out of school for 3 days and I got what he got and was so done by the end of that week. It wasn't bad just sore throat, achey head and lethargy. It was not covid...we tested multiple times but it still sucked and we were both crabby patties the whole weekend which was fine...it was a holiday weekend. I read a lot and slept a lot. I took care of Ari's kitties and birds. Mel and I finished going through the entire handspun stash that had gotten hit by moths. We lost a bit and now need to bag it up and store it again. But that was a lot and we got it done finally. I did not get to the linen closet redo but that is okay.

I finished book 29: Life and Limb by Jennifer Roberson; Read number 30 of the year Be the Serpent by Seanan McGuire which was fabulous and mind blowing and cliffhangered!; (31) Read Death by Cashmere which is a Seaside Knitters Mystery by Sally Goldenbaum it was okay...I need the second book and own the third?; (32)Read Uprooted by Naomi Novick and Wow it was amazing and I want more in that world. Am now reading The Enchanted Emporium by Tanya Huff who is a mixed bag for writing. This world seems interesting so we shall see. I got it used so not too worried if its meh. Online reviews are a mix and some people get weird on "magical inbred families" and well, meh. I read enough fanfic I don't get squicked out from odd family dynamics etc.

This last weekend I went to drop off meds with mom and visit with her and she basically shooed me off cause she was busy playing games with the other little biddies. It was weird. I had barely talked with her for two weeks...she had had covid and well I felt super weird getting dismissed. I went and got a PSL (oatmilk) from Dunkin' and then went shopping for all things fall. I got some witchy stuff and got gifts for the next day for a party. It was splendid and I was out of the house for more hours than I had been in weeks. It was nice...did I do some shopping therapy, yes, did I need to do that? Yes. Got home for a nice dinner and I went to bed early to try to finish books number 32. Saturday I got to sleep in a bit and then got dressed to head to a pool party. Thyra had gotten a new pool installed with an amazing baja deck with umbrellas in the pool. Had a nice time getting drinks and chatting with folks and just relaxing and getting vitamin D. The apprentice requested the right to kidnap me for dinner and drinks so we got home at 5pm and then I got a shower and dressed up nice for the evening. We hit Ermanos and then did more drinks and churros at the Boxyard. Got a wonderful picture of the full moon over the awnings over Boxyard which was great. I slept almost 10 hours and then went and got to do all of the shopping for groceries. Costco and Safeway. Benton helped me with the Costco run but it was too loud and crowded and he was so done. I get that and I got him an eegees. I then got laundry on cause I was down to the underwear that I hate to wear...I need to put it away but its at least washed and dried. My goal is to work on that tomorrow.

So I've not been to the gym cause sick and then work last week was nuts with only 3 days of work I did 32 hours. WTF? Ugh. Usually holiday weeks you are able to get things finished and relax...that was not the case. I had finance variances to do for myself and my mechanical lead and that was done. It was a lot of work but I found the reasons things were weird and why I'm 800k$ behind schedule. and 1.3M$ overspent. Yeah. stressful

This week my goal is two gym sessions and to try to be kinder to myself. Mom's birthday is tomorrow. I hope to do something with her but we have an appt. We shall see. We shall see what the oncologist has to say this week. I'm pretty sure the numbers will still be bad but we will take that river when we have to traverse it.

Well I made it through all of the appts with Mom in July. It was a lot. Not gonna lie and then I had to deal with her getting brain radiation as well. She had more tumors appear and they wanted to zapp them to at least try to get her to hang on longer. Work has been atrocious and I've had more OT in the last 3 weeks than in the last 6 months. Its weird. But hopefully this week means that things will get back on track.

What have I been doing...working, working, taking care of mom and reading. No gym time, drinking too much and probably eating too much. Sighs. My anxiety is very high and other work stressors are making that even more dizzying. Hopefully that issue will resolve itself in the next few weeks as well.

For reading I finished the following books:
Book 23 - Twilight Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko
Book 24 - Broken by Jenny Lawson (I love the Bloggess and this book was just what I needed)
Book 25 - Fire Touched by Patricia Briggs (got the rest of the Mercy Thompson series I was missing)
Book 26 - Silence Fallen by Patricia Briggs
Book 27 - Storm Cursed by Patricia Briggs
Book 28 - Smoke Bitten by Patricia Briggs (Soul Taken comes out tomorrow but I only by paperbacks for this series)
Book 29 - in progress is Life and Limb by Jennifer Roberson, I picked it up from an indie local bookstore at PHXFF and thus far its interesting. I have the second book to follow it as well.

We surprised mom with her friend Diane flying in for the weekend so I played chauffeur and host most of the weekend which was tiring. I have not been to the gym for weeks due to work and I dress the day of the gym with the gym clothes on and then I'm in meetings till 7pm. Hoping to break that curse today but its all starting things over again. I did bbq on Saturday and mel did nummy brunch on Sunday. My mom ate a lot which is good. And my food was tasty...mels' waffles were a hit and that was good.

Still trying to get benton to not be a trash monster. His back pack was full of crap I just tossed. we had to have a fight over his room this AM since he is supposed to clean it for housekeeping days and it wasn't. Sorry kiddo, when you keep your own house you can live like a slob but not under my roof.

I did manage to finish one small piece of knitting for a baby shower gift and I am about half way done with one sock for mel after tearing it out and starting again. Everything else has stalled and that is not good. I'm hoping to get some good work on the scroll this week and then make plans over the next few weekends to get the final details hammered out so maybe I have time to make myself a new dress for my apprentices elevation and a new tunic for the boy?

One nice highlight was seeing Dominique and Steven who stopped by on the way back home from Ed and Candaces. Got hugs and to see her shawls she had finished with all of the pretty beads.

So, yeah life in a nutshell the last few weeks. I need to get back to writing since it helps my brain

Current Mood: contemplative

My mom is addicted to the jewelery channels..thank gods we don't have them on Cox...but she likes to watch them online. Course the Mac doesn't like a lot of their sites (which I'm grateful for) but she still tries to watch them for the specials. Mel's computer handles them okay which makes her happy...I just can't believe that she watches them. Sigh...well, at least she has good taste and doesn't buy much if anything. Some of the stuff is pretty but I saw a few things yesterday in our travels around the presidio that I'm in love with. A jeweler named Dawn Stewart has some fantastic and beautiful stuff. She has two styles: 1) the chunky odd but wonderfully set rings etc and then 2)which is this fine, very tiny bezel set stones in very delicate chains. I was enamored. Hopefully mel remembers that. Course I put things on my list at Maguires too.

Anyhoo...richard's secret present is going very well. I'll finish that up once the house heats up just a bit. Its very cold right now and my studio is about 5-8 degrees cooler. Then I have the handsewing projects to do that will require some fabric and some embroidery. All good.

Well, time to check the rest of the nets for info this fine sunday morning and then shove too on another busy but relaxing day.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: Turtle House Brewery